CBS Sports wants to know who you would rather have: The NL MVP with balls the size of Mars, who can Thunderfuck a baseball and carry a team to the postseason OR an unproven Kansas City Royals rookie?

Rock the Votto.

ESPN writers touch themselves when they look at Joey Votto’s stats. It feels that good.

All-Star part deux.

Joey Votto at No. 3 for Top 10 cutest Reds? He maybe No. 3 in the batting order but he’s No. 1 in every lady’s heart. Look at this guy perform.

Joey Votto doesn’t just hit the ball - he thunderfucks it to drive in the go-ahead run.

You challenge Joey Votto, you lose.

… Of course he is.

Hey Jimmy Rollins, Joey Votto’s glove just said ‘Forget You.’

Even when Joey Votto is simply washing his hands, ESPN comes calling. They know.